The start of the dash in the middle…

The dash in the middle…

Losing a child is the hardest thing I have done so far in my 50+ years. I cannot imagine anything harder! Having lost several siblings at “not-so-old” ages, it kind of prepared me to be accepting of things we cannot change. Didn’t make it any easier, just different.

My son was only 24 years old when he died in a single vehicle truck accident a couple miles from our home. I have listened to people, with very good intentions, tell me we are not supposed to bury our children and that he was “too young” to die. Well, as comforting as they hope to be, it doesn’t explain my situation since I did bury my son and he did die at 24.

In order to function moving forward in light of the fact I lost a child who was “too young,” I choose to focus on the life lived after the date of birth and prior to the date of death, the dash in the middle. In his short 24 years, the boy LIVED! I need to remember that and hope that everyone else does too! I also need to remember that I am still alive! Part of me died that day, but it wasn’t the part that had to work, do laundry, and pay the bills. It was a part of my heart that must now live with the memories of the child I brought into the world and lost.

My intentions with these writings is not to console other parents who have been here, although that would be a plus, but to focus on the life we have in front of us, the lives those before us have lived, and the moments we may overlook until it is too late. Our memories are all we have of those we lose and I want to make them positive memories! I want to see those things I overlooked in the past before I pass them up again!!

Everyday, I search my daily events and find a positive that happened that day. Some days are easier than others to accomplish this task. This has helped me to stop dwelling in the sadness of my loss, and remember good does happen, even if in small doses. This will never mean I do not mourn my loss. It means he will always be a part of me and my life, but I still have a lot of good things happen and a lot of positive people here!! I want to make sure I am positive to those around me for this is my dash in the middle…