Willingly give up…or let go of?

This weekend, mass was about following Jesus with our whole being. This means being willing to sacrifice our personal belongings in order to do so. After the losses I have experienced so far in my life, easy peezy! Material things will NEVER hold value as they may have in the past. I will elaborate what all this means because it is truly an identifier of how strong or weak the faith can be. What are you willing to give up? What do love so much you don’t think you can live without?

There is a phrase, “you can’t take it with you.” There is another one even more pertinent to this conversation, “there is no luggage rack on a hearse.” The homily didn’t exactly say it like that, but you get the jest. I love my house. I love my jewelry (because they were a token of love!). I could, however, live without them if I had to. I really love my family and have lost many members of my immediate family: both my parents; three brothers; and, unfortunately, my son. I didn’t think I could live without them, but it was not a choice and here I am. I surely didn’t sacrifice any of them, but I didn’t blame God either. I can willingly let go if I know they are with God because I hope to see them again.

Funny story, well ironic anyway. I never lost my faith…ever! Not in my religion, that is. I did, however, lose my faith with the church (people and buildings) in certain aspects. To retaliate, I quit visiting every weekend and paying homage to my Lord on Sundays. This is ironic in the sense that I am the only one who really got punished. It took losing my son to find my way back. There He was with open arms!! He never judged me for not visiting. I know my son had his faith as well and I know he hears me every day.

I did not willingly give up my son in the whole sacrifice ideal. I have, however, willingly let God receive my son back into His loving care. This does not make me holy. It makes me faithful. I am grateful I never lost my faith. I reiterate that God did not take my son. And, I did not sacrifice him, but I do have peace now. I have a roadmap in my mind and heart that leads me back to all my loved ones for I know where they reside. I find comfort knowing this all leads to something so much better!!

For those who are angry with God that your loved one has passed, please find peace that it was not His doing. If it was, it was by the grace of God to end suffering, visible or invisible. If my son died before his time, I pray God had saved him from a worse fate. I can live with that knowing my son didn’t have to suffer any longer. For those who have had to watch a loved one suffer, know that peace was welcomed. Sometimes, we suffer. Sometimes, our loved ones suffer. Death brings out the worst, and best, in all of us.

I pray those who have not found peace, that they can let go of anger and the “what if’s.” I know we will find answers when we get to meet up with them when it is our turn. Until then, love the fact that they were here and we held them for whatever time was available. Willingly let go, and find peace those loved ones want for you.

Author: Christina Herold Trueblood

My name is Christina Trueblood. I am married and live in Central Illinois and am the mother of two, a daughter and son. Unfortunately, I lost my son in August 2017 in a single vehicle truck accident a couple of miles from our home. He was 24. I have documented some of my story on Facebook over this first year and have been encouraged to start a blog. I hope to help other families who have gone through loss and struggle to make any sense of it. My faith has kept me going and I believe one day, we will meet those loved ones we have lost again and it will be as if no time has passed. Until then, I want to honor their lives and know they left a mark on my life! Please follow me and share your stories.

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