Good things still happen…

Survivor’s guilt is quite the hurdle!! Five years in and I still have moments. Truth be told, I always will. Something I should actually be used to, but still catches me off guard and sometimes, just out of the blue. Those darn triggers!! But I have to tell myself, good things can still happen, and that is ok! Hallmark calls then “God Winks.” Sounds good!

Driving down the country roads (no choice with where I live), the beauty is everywhere during the changing color of the trees and the wildlife that abounds when BOOM! a song comes on that changes everything!! I could hear my son singing like he used to when he was driving, in his room, or taking a shower, loud and somewhat off-key, and there I am, in the midst of beauty, crying like I had just lost him yesterday. I don’t know why, but I take those moments and realize, I will have good moments and I will have sad moments, and I will always miss him.

During this hunting season, I think it hits me more. I know it hits his dad harder. They were hunting buddies! They were a duo and when that void is this big, you can’t help but feel it. I think that may be why it hits harder. I know I am not the only one. That being said, I have NEVER been the only one affected by his death. That should make me feel, if nothing else, not alone. If it were only that simple.

As the holidays hit, I find the void and triggers to be even bigger. I always take my thoughts back to the first Christmas without him. My husband and I were crying if the wind blew the other direction. When it hits hard now, I remember that one moment, at my darkest moment that Christmas, being shown the sonogram of our future grandchild! That ONE MOMENT is iconic and always brings me back to the reality that I will still have good and moving moments in the future. My son would want that happiness for me and that alone will keep me in the here and now as well.

As we head into the Christmas season and the hopes for the new year (which is to just be better than this last year), move forward with the realization that good days and good moments still exist. We may have to look for them sometimes, but they are there, giving hope for the future. Embrace them! Know that bad times will come, and that is ok. Good times will be there too! I still encourage a “positive of the day” and to acknowledge those moments, as small as you might think they are. They are a guiding force!

I am entering this Christmas with faith and hope. I think the world has forgotten the reason for the season. I don’t ever want to forget the real reason. Forget about the ribbons and bows. I think it is love for each other and proof that a miracle can, and will, happen every day. It’s about love of family and friends, those with us in person and in spirit!

May everyone have a blessed Christmas and cheers to a better year in 2023! They say you only live once (yolo). I disagree. I believe you only die once. We live every day. I don’t want to take any of those days for granted, the good and the bad. For all of those who are suffering, may you find the joy in Christmas. Like you, I cry because they are gone, but I smile because they were here, for whatever time I was blessed with!

#itschristmastime #gonebutnotforgotten #forever24 #thedashinthemiddle