I speak with a lot of people who have lost a loved one. Those loved ones can be at any level: parent, sibling, child, or spouse/significant other. There is one common denominator in every conversation: they all had plans that didn’t get to happen. This, in turn, leaves us with unfinished plans, memories that didn’t happen, pictures not taken, and dreams of what could have been.
I do believe this is the hurdle that many get tripped up on. We feel robbed, denied, and broken. How do we get “over” these unfinished parts? How do we come to terms with something we looked so forward to never coming to fruition? I have but only one suggestion: faith! Sounds easy, but isn’t always a wave of a wand. We have to believe our loved one is safe, happy, and that their life left a permanent mark for us to hold onto.
Everyone has plans for tomorrow that are not guaranteed. None of us are guaranteed tomorrow. If we don’t live to see it, it is a loss to those who survive it. Almost every death is the same story, different people. We are born and then we die. What we do in the middle is our legacy. This legacy can be for minutes, hours, years, or decades, but every one of those variables is just as precious as the next!! That is what we need to focus on. This existence should always supersede the unfinished list left behind. This is our mark to hold onto.
The biggest hurdle for me was getting over guilt of a good or happy moment. How can I be happy with this loss hovering over me? This is another faith moment. Those happy moments were being sent to me. My loved one doesn’t want me sad all of the time. This is when I decided to do some of those “moments” for my loved one. No, not all moments can be created and fulfilled, but metaphorically, I live “for” them. I do things I know my loved ones would have loved. I believe they would want that. I cannot complete the life I wished for them, but I can make sure they live on in the life I now live!
So, with faith and love, I get up and breathe for those loved ones lost. I live my best life with them tucked safely in my heart, knowing they will never know pain now and are at peace. Faith knowing that I was blessed with my specific amount of time and I am holding onto those memories with all my strength and will. I cannot dwell on what didn’t get to happen, and if I do, I am forgetting the good I did have. I don’t ever want to forget the good. I still may cry because they are gone, but I continue to smile because they were here. ❤️🎼🦌🌈🎤🎶💙🛻😇🥾
#unfinishedlife #gonebutnotforgotten #livingforthem #thedashinthemiddle