I know I have written about this particular subject previously. When we lose a loved one, our first thought is, “I wish I had one more day…!” What would we do with one more day? Many country songs have been written making the same plea. There are no right or wrong answers, but I had a glimpse of this. I am not sure what triggered it, but it provided many mixed emotions.
“How did I get a glimpse?” you ask. Well, I dreamed it! I dreamed that I “dreamed” my son’s death and that he was really alive! I was thrilled and relieved! I loved hearing his voice and wondered how I could imagine him dead when he wasn’t! He had not changed. He was still the son I remembered and still did things I was not exactly happy about. It was real!! I did not all of a sudden think the things that I wish he hadn’t done were now ok! Again, it was “real!” Then, I woke up and relived the heartache all over again! Is that what would happen with one more day?
My suggestion is treat every day as if it is your last. Say the things you want to say and hug everyone if that’s your thing (it is mine)!!! One more day only happens for the living if we are lucky. I never want to take that for granted ever again! One more day would not have removed the heartache that followed the loss. One more day would not have “prepared” me better. One more day could have only provided another day of memories. It would not have provided less regret, less heartache, or less grief. It only leaves us wanting one more day… then one more…
My way of coping has always been to trust my son is safe in the arms of our Creator, safe from harm, happy, and Home. We are all temporary for this Earth, every one of us. My advice remains the same: live like it is your last day on Earth! If we are blessed with one more day, make it count! LIVE for today. Tomorrow is not guaranteed!
So, my one more day was a dream! In this dream, I still don’t believe I acted like tomorrow may not come for my son. I enjoyed hearing his voice, and I think I actually enjoyed being with him, happy with him, and mad at him. Again, it was real! I didn’t swoon over him, babying him, or letting him believe any wrongs were now ok just because he was alive!
My glimpse was just another day, but it was also another day of waking up to the realization he was no longer here. Watch what you wish for. The heartache and grief were still there and would be no matter how many days I was given. It just is. I never want to forget he was here. I want to remember every single minute: good, bad, or indifferent. But, I can’t wish for one more day. It turned out to be groundhog’s day and repeated what I already knew. Call me selfish, but reliving the loss already happens without a wish being granted! Every day is one more day of crying because he is gone, but smiling because he was here!
#onemoreday ##gonebutnotforgotten #dreamsdoseemreal #thedashinthemidlldle
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