It’s the end of another year. I have mixed emotions at this time of the year. Every person hopes your next year is your best year yet! My year may be better than my last, but it will never be my “best” year ever! I have peaked for the “best” years’ ever and I wish I had known it then. I may have treated those years better and respected my time more. I know I would have been a lot more thankful!! Those “best” years were when I had both my children to hold and hug and touch!!!
What happens after the worst year ever? That was 2017 for me! Leaving 2017 and heading into 2018 was rough. I felt like I was losing my son all over again. I had him alive in 2017 for a lot of it. Closing that year was facing an entire year without him. It was a mindset I could not change. I have done better since, but the feeling of desertion was hard to shake. It was a cold reality.
I will still have good years, maybe even great. I will still make great memories, but they will never come close to what I had! I had always appreciated my children and I know they knew (and know) they are loved! Any years that follow 2017 may be described as great (hopefully!) but they will never be the “best” year!! The really great news here is that does not mean I will stop trying to live my best life!
The first year, 2018, was spent trying to redefine “normal ” and move forward. We all know you don’t “get over” the loss of a child. You get through it. I have finally lost all the weight that came with my depression in 2018. I also started this blog to help others as well as myself. This is my therapy! 2019 was spent trying to move forward and in a very positive direction. Hitting 2019 came with personal changes and constant ways of trying to honor my son’s memory! I feel I have accomplished that!
As I head into the year 2020, I am continuing the positive attitude! I will strive to live the best life possible and continue to honor the memory of my son. My husband and I plan on doing a trip every year near the anniversary date and do things that would make him proud and do things he would have enjoyed, too! I still want people to drive by and honk! Share funny stories! Smile when you think of him! Those are the best ways to keep his spirit alive and thriving…never forget! As always, I cry because he is gone, but I smile because he was here!!
May all of you enjoy your holiday. Be safe! I won’t wish for the best year yet, but may you live your best life possible in the year to come!!
#happynewyear #memoriesliveforever #thedashinthemiddle