A letter to my son on his birthday…

It’s your birthday…as I grab a Kleenex to dry my tears!!! On this day, 26 years ago, you blessed our world! This is a day I choose to try and celebrate but am doing so with many mixed emotions.

We are starting today with a mass for you, just as we did last year. Isn’t any easier this second year. I know the parishioners will all be praying for you! Most of them know me now thanks to you! You were pretty popular, or should I say “well known” in our little town. I told you before how it was getting to be the same with you as it was with my brother Denny whenever someone would say, “hey, are you related to…?” I had to ask if it was a good thing or a bad thing. I remember leaving Wal-Mart when you were maybe 3 and the cashier said “bye Cody.” You looked at me amazed. You asked me “How’d she know my name?” I responded with, “it could have been the the hundred times I had to yell, ‘Cody, put that back,’ ‘Cody, get over here!’ ‘Cody, leave that alone before you break it!’ Pretty sure all of Walmart knew your name!!” Not positive, but it was a damned good guess!! I must say, the rest of your life didn’t seem to take a different path from that moment on…!!! 😜

I knew you were not perfect, but you were mine, and I loved all those things about you. You were a God-fearing, God-loving person. You had faith. Some of the things you did made my hair gray. Ok, A LOT of them changed my hair color, but that only means I knew how my mother felt many times over because of having boys!! You definitely kept us in colorful conversations! I can’t change the past and no one is perfect, me included. I want to remember the human side of you. To do so, I need to remember those not-so-perfect times too.

So how do I celebrate today? I am going to start with all the stories and memories you left us with! I will be playing the videos of you singing over and over so that I can hear your voice. It always makes me smile first! I say “first” because it usually is followed by a tear, or two, or three! Wouldn’t trade some of those moments we captured for all the money in the world! They are priceless.

One of your friends sent me a picture of you the other night. I loved it because it was one I had never seen before. It kind of brought you back to life for a minute. I don’t get many “new” with you and I believe those situations are very limited. It made me smile. I love that your friends keep in touch and reach out to see how we are doing. It’s another moment that brings you back to life for a split second.

The day you were born, I knew I was in for a ride! You came into this world raring to go! You thought you could go through life with a smile (again like Denny) and it almost worked! You were smarter than you ever gave yourself credit! I brought you into this world, but it came with no guarantees. None of us come with a guarantee. You were my rainbow child, born after I miscarried. Now, rainbows are a sign to me, a message so to speak. If they are not, I don’t want anyone to tell me otherwise. They give me peace! No one else should care if it is exaggerated. I am grateful for the wonderful, hair-changing, hair-raising moments I was blessed with! Your dad and I miss you and so does your sister and the rest of the family. You have a beautiful niece that I know was sent to us with a little help from up there!

I know death will never change the love I have for you. I know time will never heal the wound of losing you. I know faith will carry me through until we meet again. Until then, there is a place in my heart that you will always be in, never to change and never to age. Forever 24 in actual age, but forever my baby, my child!

I celebrate you today! I celebrate that God gave me you to hold and love! I celebrate the life you lived up until your last breath. As always, I cry because you are gone, but I smile because you were here. It’s your birthday! I will celebrate the gift of you!!

Love,

Mom

#itsyourbirthday #wecelebrateyou #forever24 #gonebutneverforgotten

Author: Christina Herold Trueblood

My name is Christina Trueblood. I am married and live in Central Illinois and am the mother of two, a daughter and son. Unfortunately, I lost my son in August 2017 in a single vehicle truck accident a couple of miles from our home. He was 24. I have documented some of my story on Facebook over this first year and have been encouraged to start a blog. I hope to help other families who have gone through loss and struggle to make any sense of it. My faith has kept me going and I believe one day, we will meet those loved ones we have lost again and it will be as if no time has passed. Until then, I want to honor their lives and know they left a mark on my life! Please follow me and share your stories. View all posts by Christina Herold Trueblood