Our world is full of oxy-morons. We know the obvious: jumbo shrimp; act naturally; bittersweet; low-rise; dark light…etc. I believe we have more but mine is a focused diversion. That is my self-diagnosis anyway. Kind of the ‘elephant in the room’ (no pun intended). I have had it for awhile. I just keep changing it from one focus to another. I just didn’t realize what it was before. It is a form of OCD (self-diagnosed again!) after reading about this a little after self-diagnosis, this is actually healthy!! Good to know!
Before my son passed, I was focused on school for almost three years. I went back to school for my bachelor’s degree at 50 (my birthday gift to myself) and then went right into my master’s program. I was pretty focused on the programs because they were accelerated. I didn’t have time to slack off. Then, my son died four weeks before I finished my MBA. The shift in focus was imminent. Grief now consumed me. About seven months into this grief process, I caught myself going home from work, grabbing food, and sitting in my chair until bed time. I didn’t care what I ate, or how much I ate. That was until I got on the scale and was at my highest weight ever! I joined weight watchers that day!! Now, I have entered my new focused diversion.
I am now so focused on my weight loss, I don’t focus and think about the loss of my son 24/7. At least, not like I was. People are noticing the change in me and my weight that they are no longer looking at me with that pity look. Things just appear more positive now. My goals are reasonable and reachable, but I am so thankful for the change of pace.
I just feel I should clarify all this because I don’t want to seem obsessed as much as I want to seem focused. I apologize to those around me because they are probably tired of hearing how many points are in their food. I know I annoy myself sometimes as well.
I am glad to have a diversion and something positive to focus on. Another oxy-moron is that my positive focus is negative numbers, but it works. This is something I know my son would be proud of me for doing. I miss him a lot. That will never change. I need focus. I continue to search for my positives of the day in this world we live in. Until we depart from this Earth, remain positive, even in the worst (or heaviest) of times. You got this! If it takes an OCD compulsion to do so, so be it! By the way, there are zero points in positive thoughts!!! 😎🙏🌈🕊😜