I had a deep conversation the other day with a friend. We were talking about how people respond at funerals. We tend not to hold back at telling surviving family how their family member will be missed and the impact they had on our life. Sad we wait until someone passes for our feelings to be known. We really should tell those in our lives now, while they are alive to hear it, what we feel and not save all the acclimates for a funeral. We can all do better today. Think about what you hope people will say to your loved ones at your funeral, or better yet, to you while you are here. Our actions leave marks. Let’s make them good ones.
What impacts me to be better can be simple conversations like that one. What does the mirror have to say? Oh, if they could only speak. Then again, mine says a lot of things without saying a word. Things like: lose weight, they don’t fit, are you really going out in public with that hair?? They go on and on, but there are positives too. Maybe not “you are the fairest of them all,” but I am proud of many moments reflected in that mirror. I still strive to be better and do better. I also look in that mirror and know if the outcome didn’t turn out as I had hoped, or prayed (as in my personal experience with the loss of my son), guilt will not be reflected because I tried to say and do all I could. It may be there had I wished I had said or done something, but never did!
We all have an opportunity to do better! For ourselves and each other! I cannot stress that enough. If we do not hold ourselves accountable, nothing will get better. We are not heroes either. No person moves a mountain alone. And, if someone is doing something to be positive, do not wait until their funeral to tell their family what impact they had on you.
In speaking with other members of this club, the motivation to be better doesn’t come easily. What we ‘have to do’ and ‘can do’ tend to collide with each other. Small steps to some are huge to us. Just learning to laugh or smile without guilt, or even cook a meal because it was their favorite is hard. These are mountains, but I am doing better. But, the biggest “better” only happened because I knew the situation I was in had to change. In fact, it was my blog post that was titled, “I must try harder…” I am still trying!
That post opened up an opportunity I am glad I took! I have been doing the presentation to DUI offenders for the Victim’s Impact Panel for six years now. It was not an easy step to make, but I feel it was the right step! I don’t do it for the acclimates. I do it so another mother doesn’t have to stand in front of a group of people repeating this story. Maybe at my funeral, people will comment how brutally honest I was. Maybe they will say I didn’t mince words. Maybe they will say my words made their life better or stronger. Maybe they won’t. My true hope, they will say I lived for my family… ALL of them!
As I approach the dreaded anniversary this month, I can only look back and see how far I have come since that fatal night. Nine years ago, I would have never imagined I’d be here, doing what I have been doing, not only to survive, but to help others survive. I will never stop trying to “do more” and to be the best version of myself while looking in the mirror with “tough love” comments to keep pushing myself one step further.
I don’t say and write these things for people to agree with me, pat me on the back, or to put myself above anyone else. I say and write these things because that is how I feel and what I hope and believe will help me survive this hand my life was dealt. If it helps another, best possible outcome I could truly hope for. We are all fighting a battle no one knows about. Be there for them through those battles. If you can’t help with words, help with hugs, or meals, or maybe by handing them tissues!
In all the reflections I will have in the “mirror of life,” I hope my willingness to approach the battles with my head held high and faith in my heart will be the one I have most! I refuse to sit and watch when helping and doing is an option. It may not be the path for all, and that is ok. And to all of those who haven’t waited for my funeral to express good things, “thank you!” You have all been a guiding force while I stare at that “mirror” and try to do better!
August cannot be avoided, and I want to spend it remembering, reliving, and embracing all good things! Doesn’t mean I won’t shed tears too! As always, I do still cry because he is gone, but I refuse to stop smiling because he was here!!
#9yearsgone #gonebutnotforgotten #honorusdontdrinkanddrive #forever24
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