I write for therapy, but we all deal with reality differently. I find it therapeutic to put words on paper (metaphorically since I don’t actually use a pen and paper) and sometimes, they actually rhyme. Many people have told me they find some comfort in my words, or can relate my writings to their own personal situations. I hope it does help, but I really use these words as guides mostly, ending each session with hope for tomorrow and gratefulness for the past. I spend a lot of time trying to find positives out of negatives. The loss of my son is no different, although I still struggle. How would I want someone to respond if the tables were turned and I died, which we know is inevitable? Would I want them mourning my loss everyday or celebrating the positives I left behind? I hope the latter. I really want people to just live with no regrets.
In one of my posts, I mentioned how I had asked my son, “If you were to write your own autobiography, what would your pages say?” I can only write what I am thinking or have done, not what I have said or done has been perceived, received, or acknowledged. So many go day to day wondering what people might think about them or their actions. I am here to tell everyone that we should look inside ourself and quit worrying about what others’ think. Our actions will define us more in our reflection and what we have to show in the mirror of life than anyone’s reaction or perception. Live for you!! My son taught me that!!
Hopefully, those who know you don’t look back with regret. How many times have you gone to a funeral and said, “I wish we had stayed in touch more.” Or, “I wish I had told them how much they meant to me.” Most times, we will miss someone for all the right reasons; they left a mark on our life and will leave a void in our future. The one thing we can’t change then that we can change now is how we treat each other while we are here on this Earth!
When we die, and we know we will eventually, the perception others’ have will be how they treat our death. Leave positives!! Choose joy and triumph each day and negate sadness and loss. I want to celebrate life, mine and yours! I want those I love to celebrate my life after I have been reunited with those I have lost. Find the joy. Share the love. Learn from mistakes. Most of all, live life and love life as if tomorrow is not guaranteed because it’s not. I truly hope my son would be proud of me that I want to remember the person and not the vacancy. That is what I would have wanted from him had I gone first.
We are all here for a short time. Every interaction we have gives us a fork in the road. You can choose right or left, up or down, love or hate, as well as joy or sadness. We can spend all our effort being angry at another’s actions, but we cannot blame them for our reaction. That is on us. Choose joy. Choose happy memories. But, most of all, live. If the tables were turned and I had gone before my son, I would not want him sitting around wondering “what if.”
The closer we get to the holidays, the more I have to convince myself my son would want me happy. Holidays can be a big reminder of those happy family times, but is the time that void is really apparent. Turning the table (or lazy Susan in my world), I will remember those I have lost and cherish those who remain. Positive vibes is what those I have lost would hope for us. It is what I hope for. No regrets.
This week of thanksgiving, be the one who takes time to visit, call, email, or post to those family and friends. Say the things that you are thankful and grateful for. Spin the positives and weed out the negatives. Life is short. Be the reason someone smiles. Look up and thank those who have gone before you for all the positive marks and changes they made in your life. And, as always, I still may cry because they are gone, but I also smile because they were here…
#happythanksgiving #livefortoday #lifeisshort #thedashinthemiddle