A year ago, I was struggling to think about a new year. 2017 was a very hard year, but I worried about leaving it and moving into 2018 because I didn’t want to move forward. I wanted time to stand still. Seeing the year in my rear view mirror felt like I was turning my back on my son. I realize it was a last-ditch attempt to pretend August 20th had not happened. But it had. 2017 was going down in infamy and there was no changing my mind! But I was swayed…! Everyone was wishing us a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. I had just celebrated Thanksgiving without “happy” and Christmas (I thought) could have no “merry,” but it did. Found out grandbaby number 2 was coming. A ray of hope for 2018!
So, now, I was faced with even more mixed emotions! My only resolution was to survive it the best I could. And I did. I chose to find a positive in every day. I posted them on Facebook for about nine months. I still find them in each day, I just don’t post them. Not going to lie, some days were a struggle to find one. But this practice allowed me to find the hope in each day. It really is a life changing process. I felt better about each day and realized those positives did not mean I was turning my back on the memories of my son. I could still mourn his loss, but still had much to be happy and grateful for. The fact is, before taking time to acknowledge those positives, I felt guilt when I thought I had anything good happen. I realize now that I don’t have to feel guilty. My son is still a part of my positives!! Always was and will continue to be ever-present in my life!
My granddaughter was born in July 2018! After my daughter struggled for four years to conceive, finding out a couple months after her brother had passed that she was pregnant, we concluded this child was more than a gift. She was hand-picked for Earth by her uncle in Heaven. No doubt in my mind!!! As I conclude 2018, I have been blessed!
Heading into 2019, I have one resolution. I want to continue to find the positives. I won’t pray for miracles. These positives are little miracles we take for granted every single day. I won’t pray for sunshine because there is a purpose for the rain. I know the devil puts his mark out there and I prefer to trump it with my faith in our Lord.
Every year will have its struggles. I do not believe 2019 will be any different. But each year also brings some pretty significant highlights as well. I will face those highlights with praise and my struggles with faith and hope, looking for the positives. I am grateful for the time I do have and want to take nothing for granted as I extend my dash in the middle.
God bless and may 2019 provide many positives to all!!
#2018to2019 #positivethoughtswillfollow #neverforget