I have come to terms with the fact we cannot be responsible for someone else’s actions or reactions. Not everyone has though, unfortunately. A person may have cried and cried over the actions and reactions of someone they have loved and should continue to love hoping one day, happiness and joy will be there instead. How does a person find peace when they don’t get another chance to change the ending? What advice do you give someone in this situation? What happens when they have no more tears for someone because of the other person’s actions, can they just draw a line?
I feel for those who are at that point and the stories that cause those situations. It could be a variety of scenarios, most are abusive, even if not intentional. That could include both physical and mental abuse I am sad to say. This story is about a person who was raised with a loving mother who died young and a father who showed no warm emotions…ever! I know there are always two sides, but this is her side. No one will be able to retrieve his side, unfortunately. Growing up with a father who showed no loving gestures, placed blame, was greedy and selfish, makes it difficult to be warm and fuzzy to him in return. The woman is now 60 and has two adult children this man knew, but didn’t really know. She’s not sure he even remembered their names. He was very disconnected from their emotions and their life. Now this father/grandfather has died. My friend and her only surviving sibling have chosen not to attend the funeral. This whole situation is just sad to me!! What do you do when you can’t cry anymore? She struggled for so long to come to terms with the distance, but now, there is no hope of reconciling and hearing him say “I love you” and “I’m sorry.” For that, I am truly sorry… for her and him. There are no do-overs after you die. What you have done, and what you have not done, is now a permanent marker on your soul.
Here is what my thought is: go forward with your life and know you tried everything and anything humanly possible for a door to open that remained locked. You also now know how you NEVER want to treat someone you should, by God’s grace, love unconditionally. Let those in your life see you smile and be willing to tell them when they are the reason you are smiling. Don’t let someone make you beg for a compliment or attention, and vice versa. Life is too short to place blame and rely on others for our happiness. Again, you cannot blame someone else for your actions and reactions, but you can use their influence to show you how you never want to treat others or be perceived.
I listen to situations and, sometimes, I forget how sheltered I was. The majority of our behaviors are learned by those around us. We absorb those behaviors without really knowing it. We can watch tv and see how others behave in their gatherings, but a little voice in our head reminds us those are actors. It does give hope and plant seeds of how life can be.
I fully believe my family could have been a tv show!! It would have been a sitcom, but that’s ok!! Some stories of my family are too hard to make up to not be true!! One of our mother’s favorite famous personalities was Erma Bombeck. If you don’t know who she is, google her!! She was so funny!! I sit here and wonder if we provided her with material! But I would not change the way I grew up for anything!!
My life was not full of expensive things, plush carpets, and fine cars. My life was full of laughter, stories, mishaps, and LOVE!! It is a learned behavior, and I thank my parents for all the things they sacrificed to raise eight children who were above all else—friends!! Doesn’t mean we didn’t have our fights, arguments about things unfair, or even the occasional law enforcement encounter for a brother, or two. I have not, and hope to never, run out of tears for those loved ones I have lost. My dad has been gone more than half of my life and I still miss him!! Burying my dad, my mom, three brothers, and now my son, I will never run out of tears! But I cry for joy when I think of them too!
For my friend, moving forward and past wounds of hurt and neglect, she can cry for joy she has survived. She can look to the future and know the last action from this person has been closure of a long and hurtful relationship. No more looking forward to rejection and condescension from a man who should have looked forward to being there and building her up to be the best she could be. She should relish in the fact that she not only survived, but saw a better path to take. She can thank her mother for those genes.
Life is too short to take those in our lives for granted and to miss out on positive opportunities! Finding the positives and the strengths in others is only going to make us better as well. This world has too much negative in it already! Think of how many lives can be changed by being positive and supportive!! I want people to smile when I am gone because of the positive mark I have left on their life, but if I left that mark, I would rather they tell me while I am alive to hear it!! You?
#lifeistooshort #lovewhatgodhasgiven #bethebestversionpossible #cryforjoytheywerehere
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