All through our lives, we establish a support system. This happens at various stages of our existence, and for many different reasons. Those systems can be our childhood supporters such as parents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. Work support systems are those we establish when we create a list of those we trust to help us through the rough patches, vent to when we are frustrated, or our go-tos when we just struggle. We also have our literal survivor support system. For many, that can contain members of a grief group, a strong pact of life-long friends, or siblings. Some of these support systems hold spots for the same person, different reason. We all have them in our lives. We all want to be strong, but we must admit, there are times even the strongest person you know needs a shoulder, and it isn’t always a support person you can physically see.
As we head into Easter weekend, I am reminded of the original support system, and how often we fail to acknowledge just how supportive He can be. When a former co-worker referred to me as the “strongest person they had ever met,” I feel I should give credit where credit is due. My faith has been such a guiding force in this process of surviving a loss of a child with my mother showing me the one to look to in this situation. Faith has been my pillar holding me up through the roughest moments in my life. The death of a child is right up there at the top of that list. I am strong, but never alone with faith holding me up when my own strength falters a little.
My family is probably my biggest, physical support group. The reason isn’t just because we are close. It is also because so many of my family have been in my shoes. Or, to be more correct, I am now in their shoes. My grandmother buried my dad. My mother buried two of my brothers. My aunt buried two of her boys. My niece buried her infant son. I am now added to the that list. As far as burying our children, I hope I am not here for more family members to bury their child/ren. When it is referred to as the “hardest thing a person will ever do,” they nailed it! Hands down! My siblings, and extended family, though many do not have children of their own, do not stop with the empathy and understanding of the loss. Most of them live it with me for it was their family member too!
My support systems contain so many of the same people for various situations. We all have those groups. My support work group is an extended group of persons. I have people from various positions I have held in my 43 years of employment that are still a phone call away. I have made good friends, and many, truly feel more like family. They know who they are. They are the ones we may talk to every so often and it is as if no time has passed. That group of “no time passes” people for me is actually larger than I admit. Then again, I am a firm believer people enter our lives and leave a permanent mark whether we acknowledge that or not.
I admit there are times I cannot stand alone and need a support system in my life. Those I can see and talk to, and those I can only feel the presence of! Works for me. I never want to take any of these support systems for granted and pray everyone who needs a shoulder, ear, or just someone to stand in a corner saying nothing at all, but just being present has what they need available. I think those who do not claim a support system are either wearing blinders, or do not admit they may have a moment of weakness in their lives (like that is anything to be shameful of!). I don’t think anyone should be guilted, ridiculed, or belittled for needing ANY kind of support, not just for the loss of a child. We spend too much time already pretending we are ok when we clearly are not.
It is ok to acknowledge those who support you. In fact, we should applaud them. Many of our supporters do not even know they ARE our support. I meet up with several different groups of friends regularly for dinner, especially since I lost my son. They are my therapy, support, and lifeline! Most of them know it too. I speak often of how they are my escape from reality, where I can sit and just remove my mind from the things that bogg it down. I thank God for them every day! I hope they feel the same support from me that they furnish. I don’t want to take and not give!!
Holy Week!! Take a step back and realize the wonderful, faithful, and permanent marks those “disciples” have given to you, me, and those around us. Let the Glory of the miracles experienced during Holy Week guide you this Easter and know that being renewed is a God-given gift to us! I get that from the support I receive both here on Earth and from Heaven! I want to say “thank you” for that support. For me, the Prodigal Son has returned Home! He Is Risen!! And, as this experience has taught me, I cry because He is gone, but I smile because He was here!!
#happyeaster #prodigalson #heisrisen #thedashinthemiddle
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