Another Birthday… 31!

Well, another birthday is here and time to celebrate the ‘life of Cody’ (the seventh one without you)!! I want to celebrate today for your birth and the wonderful 24 birthdays I had you here with us! I’d like to recap this past year since your last birthday. It has been quiet so far. I probably just jinxed it, but we will see!

Most recently, one of your favorite country stars has joined you in Heaven. I am sure Toby Keith has already been in concert with you all and you have met him up close and personally. I have always believed Heaven is a place that, once you get there, you don’t ever want to leave. It is the one thing that allows me to not wake up sad every day, knowing you are in a happy place. Now, I am sure it is more heavenly, if that is even possible.

Now, the little things I wish you were here for. Since your last birthday, I have caught your niece singing in the bathtub several times and singing while playing quietly with her toys as if no one was around. I know you were there! It reminded me of how your dad and I would mute the television so we could listen to you sing in the shower. Great memories! Makes me smile every time I think of them. She is a spitfire and has so many of your mannerisms, it is kind of scary. She told me she met you. She said you came to her in a dream because you “wanted to meet her.” I asked her if you spoke to her or touched her. She raised her hands up and sternly said, “No! He just wanted to meet me!” It was as if you were speaking through her. I could visualize every movement! It reminded me of how you spoke to me when you were a very similar age regarding us not having any furniture. With your speech impediment you had that made you sound like you were from Jersey, what I heard was “We don’t have any fun at church!” The look on your face after discussing you not behaving in church is etched in my memory forever! You cocked your head and sternly said, “I said, ‘we don’t have any furniture!’ ” Priceless memories!!

Your nephew now wants to be a mechanic. We bought him a model engine for his birthday that you put together and then it works via battery. He LOVED it! It doesn’t make anything run, but it lights up and you can hear the motor and fan. He and your dad put it together in about three hours. He said it was not on his Christmas wish list, but if he had known it even existed before we gave it to him, it would have been! I told him it had his name all over it. He responded with, “And Uncle Cody’s!” Makes my heart swell seeing the beam of light in his eyes as he talks about you. You would be so proud of the young man he is becoming! Your sister is doing a bang-up job!

This is going to be probably one of the shortest letters I have written to you since you’ve been gone. Elections are coming up, so next year will be a doozie! Other than the chaos of the world, I sit in the living room, naive to the problems, and just wish you were here to bring back my ‘normal’ chaos. The world you lived in with spittoon bottles, dirty laundry, and muddy trucks is missed beyond measure. You still have some of the best friends that allow us to hang out with them every once in awhile. The honks have subsided, but the love for you has not.

As I wind up this letter, I want to reassure you, you are missed by all. We miss your sense of humor, your singing, your muddy trucks, your dirty laundry, your loud mufflers, and your burning rubber! There was so much in your life we skimmed over and overlooked, until it was gone… You lived a lot in 24-1/2 years, more than I ever thought! You had it much more together than I gave you credit, although I am your mom and it was my job to be critiquing your do’s and don’ts. If I had to give the thing I miss the most, I am not sure I could. I think the first I will say is the hugs. I miss the hugs! I miss the conversations we had. I miss the songs you would sing. But, I truly miss the hugs the most!

I don’t wish you a “Happy Birthday” today. I think every day in Heaven is a happy one and this one is just another day in Heaven for you. I do wish me a “Happy Day” for your birthday. As I reminisce on your memories, I want to smile and not cry. I want to do something you would have enjoyed. You liked being the center of attention, no doubt. That is my continued gift to you. You will be the center of my attention today. I don’t put you on a pedestal and I don’t forget that you were not my only child. I do remember that you will always be my child, here or in Heaven. For that, I am thankful and grateful. That, my son, will never change. As we celebrate today, I may cry because you are gone, but I will continue to smile because you were here.

#forever24 #birthdayinheaven #sevenyearsat24 #thedashinthemiddle