Every person has another person they look up to and admire. If we are lucky, we are surrounded by them. But there is always that one: the one who just makes you smile; the one who convinces you it isn’t as hard as we think it is; the one you never want to disappoint; the one who is a role model; the one you want to aspire to. For me, that was my mother.
Today, February 18th, is her birthday. The year she graced this earth was 1932. This is her 15th birthday in Heaven and there has not been a day since her passing I have not thought about her. I have missed her in every way, especially when I lost my son. But, she taught me so much about that loss before she died. She buried two of my brothers before she passed. The Lord works in mysterious ways, and that was evident!! Because of that, she was literally there with me. I can’t explain it, but it is true!
As I age, (and I am on the downside of the hill) I still aspire to be like my mother. She had a great personality, an infectious laugh, a sound mind and thought process, and listened as well as conversed. I say these things with confidence that all who knew her felt this way. Those attributes are not uncommon, but they truly are rare to all be in the same person, especially the listening and talking parts, and she did this all with grace!
I put my mother on a pedestal because she deserves it. She raised eight children who, I must admit also, turned out to be great humans. I don’t think any of us were perfect, but we were perfect as a family. That is a fact I am very proud of!! She taught me more than I can ever repay.
People have told me how well I have survived the loss of a child; that they are proud of me. Well, first off, “Thank you.” Secondly, we are all survivors, until we aren’t. I had two choices: surrender or survive. I truly hope I am making both my mother and my son proud, but we all grieve differently. I just happened to have a role model to show me how she did it with such grace. Did the Lord do that? I have no doubt, because we know He has a plan we have no control over. Did God make us lose our sons? Let’s just say the Lord held our hands and our hearts while we grieved through it.
While I can still hear and feel my mother in my life, I know it’s just the echoes she left me with. I smile every time I think of her! She warms my heart. I have an image in my mind of all the family I have lost, sitting up in Heaven, conversing around the table, and laughing at how we fumble through our every day existence without them. My mother was my role model, and I am blessed by that!
As always, I cry because they are gone, but I smile because they were here! Here is a poem I wrote that describes it best…
#gonebutnotforgotten #birthdayinheaven #theblankpage #thedashinthemiddle